what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
