Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
