My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
