I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
