At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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