I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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