I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
