Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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