I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
