Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize