smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
