I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
