see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
