I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
