Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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