This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
nutella sex= disaster
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
