btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
