mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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