Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
