The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
