u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
