No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
