theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
