I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
