That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
