He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
