I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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