i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
