This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
