help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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