it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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