They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He felt like a one man threesome
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
