cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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