But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
