One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
