He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
