i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize