i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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