At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Terrible idea I love it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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