ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
