there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
