oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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