the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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