You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
