I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
