I'm passing your future prison.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
