I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
