if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
