ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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