guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
