I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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