haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
