I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We got so high we made milksteak
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
