R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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