Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
