I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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