I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
