i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
