How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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