and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
