You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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