But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
