moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
