All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Alive.
So much puke
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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